I'll get by with a little help from my Friends

I believe that fat people fart more than skinny people. I can't prove this yet but damn it I will! This is what I thought about last night when contemplating working legs at the gym today. Just being honest...
I am if nothing else an honest person and my goal with this blog is full transparency. Some of you might think this is easy but for a Fattycakes this can be painful...it can mean admitting weakness and failures or what I now will only call setbacks..BUT I have always had a rather high pain threshold so here goes nothing...
Before I can really begin to detail my goals, my measurements, the food I eat, my activity log and workout regime ...OH and my Fattycake photo journal...there are a few superheroes I want to introduce you to. Their true identities though enormously awesome will be replaced with their "Phat Girl" names.
For starters there is my own personal chef...Jenny. As in Jenny Craig. Talk about someone who knows how difficult not eating has to be. The woman grew up in New Orleans for crying out loud. I would have looked like a Beignet...come to think of it ...I do. I am after all 5'3" and weigh 218 so while I have a shape...circle isn't exactly the shape I was going for. Back to Jenny...we have been friends for a couple of months now but I have kind of prioritized my other friends Wendy, Mac, and Pumpernickel ahead of her. I realize that these friendships are only bringing me down so I have decided to let Jenny take a bigger part in my life...plus I have to say she makes a mean triple chocolate cheesecake and I believe learning to make the right choices and setting appropriate portion sizes is a large part of a successful life change. As one of my friends at Jenny recently told me..." There is no such thing as Magic Food". So let's learn to eat the right non magical ones together.
Next there is my brand new personal trainer...whom I let choose his own alias. He chose "The Swagmaster". I can't comment on his naming skills which immediately drew criticism today at the gym from a bystander who believed the blood had just rushed to his head and he could not possibly have understood that correctly but I can tell you ladies that he is a very single and very tall glass of ....chocolate milk.While he is single I should warn you , however, that he is not only a fantastic trainer, whose abs one could bounce quarters off but he is also the grammar police. If you for instance were to write a run on sentence such as the one I previously did he would call you on it, or if you were to say things such as " I know you was tired" you would get the unfortunate grammar axe. Lucky for me I am looking for him to blast my fat and not teach me how to speak our nations language appropriately.
Last but not least there is the mental stabilizer in all of this, my " Fairy Godmother". Otherwise known as my licensed therapist whom I currently see weekly since the passing of my Dad on January4th, 2011. I started seeing my Fairy Godmother because after my fathers passing this princess's coach ( Lexus) turned into a Pumpkin ( Buick) and I realized that my entire life had been lived in a bubble. A bubble where unfortunately the tumultuous relationship that existed with my father drove me to eat. I could have picked up basket weaving or twister...or been on a Girls Gone Wild Tape to piss him off but no...I ate!!! My most recent theory besides me having control over what I ate is this...my father loved few things...one of them was food and perhaps subconsciously if I loved to eat as much crap as he did I would have something for us to talk about.
Well ladies and gentlemen that plan was an epic fucking fail....major backfire. I am fat and he is gone and I'm now searching for answers. My advice...talk to those you love no matter how uncomfortable it might be. Now my Fairy Godmother is pretty spectacular. I have given her this name because just like Cinderella ( which is what my mother calls me from time to time) it seems as though she was sent to me with purpose. She is honest and direct and pretty...and has UH-MAZING shoes. Basically she is a lot like me. :) She also< I found out later is also a skinny bitch who once was a Fattycakes. She herself lost an inspirational 100 lbs. If she reads this I hope she understands that I say this with the utmost respect...a term of endearment of sorts. Basically I learned with her that you can't bullshit the bullshitter. She gets it and won't allow me to make any excuses.
Oh I almost forgot to introduce you to the main character...ME. My name is Fattycakes and I look like a swallowed a small person. By my body shape I think somehow they are sideways and hanging out in my midsection. I weigh as another friend pointed out to me yesterday exactly 109 lbs more than another of our friends so I guess it's more believable when you put it in those terms. While I think losing my weight will be freeing I do not believe weight defines you...and when it does you know you have been fat too long. I am so much more.
I'm a daughter to a wonderful little lady....seriously..she is LITTLE! She can barely see over the steering wheel on her car but her heart is larger than life.
I am also the daughter of a deceased 100% disabled vet. I grew up overseas and while we rarely saw eye to eye...I am proud of my dad for his unwavering service to his country. Dad was also a Fattycake!
My most important title is Mommy Fattycake....or just Mommy. I have an incredible, smart, funny, witty, gorgeous son. I can tell you that for a stress eater like me this sure does throw a wrench into things. I think I ate my first full cheesecake the day he was diagnosed almost four years ago. Life is never boring with him around... He is my world and the best gift I have ever been given.
So this is me...the real slim shady...ok fine the real fat shady but take it or leave because the only thing here that will change is my weight.