Life for me is and probably will always be a rollercoaster. I am like I said, honest to a fault. This fault until recently never transcended to myself. While I do love rollercoasters, as I have mentioned before , the weight coaster is one I want to get off of, but to do so I realize I have to ride several other coasters and get off of those before I can land safe and sound on my skinny feet. I really thought the drama coaster would be the hardest to get off of for me. I am definitely a drama queen. I really think my parents had the right idea by putting me in acting classes as a child....unfortunately they didn't combine that great idea with the joys of fat camp and Kirstie Alley beat me to the punch on being a "Fat Actress". Surprisingly over the past couple of months this coaster slowed...not to a full stop but enough for me to jump ship. It's like my Fairy Godmother week by week sprinkled some magic fairy dust on me until I just realized that so much of the Angst I had felt about my life...about my fathers passing and about my relationship with both of my parents had turned to peace. PLease don't misunderstand. I am still sad about things but my anger and my projection of that into my life is barely visible anymore. I will always be a little dramatic but drama takes up time...and if you want to lose weight you can't waist time focusing on petty shit. Get off the Drama Coaster and move on over to the Hobby Coaster.
I always thought that it was all about diet and excercise but then it occured to me that when you are a stress eater you might want to have a plan. My Jenny Craig consultant likes to say.."Nobody Plans to Fail but you will fail without a plan". She obviously means this to correlate to my meal plan which I do highly recommend writing out. It takes the thinking out of things. In my case I needed a plan for my hands. You know those things at the end up your arms responsible for shoveling fat into your mouth. Find something to keeo them busy. Heck...use them to write comments on this blog or to recommend it to friends. Personally I crochet yarlmulkas and blankets for all my friends having babies. It makes me feel better about the fact that even when 8 months pregnant they are still thinner than me and it makes them know how much they are loved. Trust me....more satisfaction comes from that then eating a brownie.
The most difficult coaster for me is the motivation Coaster. I want to be thin but I have a really hard time staying motivated to excercise. One does not go without the other. A few weeks ago I tried crossfit. If you do this regularly, you are a super hero..probably a skinny one at that. I managed to get through the class only vomiting once and then spent the next 4.5 days trying to convince myself that one day I would be able to sit down on the toilette again without screaming out in pain as my legs buckle beneath me. Eventually I made it back to the gym for a spin class...and that has been it. Needless to say I am still riding this coaster....over and over. The goal this week will be to hit the gym 3 times....3 times for 3 weeks and then at week 4 I am going to move to 4 times for 4 weeks...and so on. I think you get the picture. I have a lot of excuses in my life right now. I am a single mom, I am in school full time....I have my hair to wash....anything can become and excuse. I'll be in touch on the progress of my goal....in the meantime...keep the faith.
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